The Dead December

The Dead December

I wanted to forgive
But I could not forget

And all I kept for you I held dear
Hoping our winter would never be
But you accepted in secret
the scarves of another human being

And it's cold now, it's so cold now

So twisted in your December
Threw shadows in my face that it was still our spring
But took another dick and smiled
and kept me all caved up you ruthless bitch

I wanted to forgive
But I could not forget
How you hide
How you lied
How you hurt

And it's cold now, it's so cold now

I wanted to forgive
But I could not forget
How you hide
How you lied
How you hurt

Hearbeat

How Hot My Tea

How hot my tea I brewed this day
To scatter cobwebs and stay awake
To see through thick clouds that smother the sun
By blowing hot breath to break them apart
And see the heat to match my cup

How hot my tea I turned with fire
To think "don't want", keep check desire
To feel through beats and thoughts that linger
Sip calm and seek truth, there I find it
A tea made hot to wash out the cold


How hot my tea how I took the time
To drink of the earth and know its rhymes
To keep shutters open to filter the woe
With this made cup with care I do drink
At the last frigid still, bring tea for my sake

Is This Love (Bob Marley Cover)

Like Child with Broken Toy

It's a fine series of disappointments; to say you want to be with someone but not really be there. Though I wonder if all relationships are like this and again there are thoughts I've come across I would not have come to realize as someone single but most revealing is that this "being together" thing only has served to reflect and magnify my insecurities, not dissolve them which goes to show I am not fit to share something so broken, like a child with a fucked up toy remains careless. 

Flea Market Finds 122712

Books

to yum the mind

I shall never see

Your signal triumphs, your bitter defeats,

Because with the stony planet

Swinging idiotically round and round the sun

I shall be swinging senseless mixed up with the mud and stones.

excerpt from The Gate of Silence, W.T. Stace

& a Hat

from a guy who had a stash of hats and was shouting at the pa system seller 3 lots over to shut up (+5 entertainment points)

(additional: 2 Dr. Who posters from Fred. Cool dude. Nice variety of posters. Rings too.)

How you Howl, Mr. Howl

It's 4:30 in the a.m. and through a closed window and thick orange makeshift blanket-curtain I can hear a guy outside down a few blocks howling in agony as if he was holiday disemboweled by the shadowy street gremlin TJ saw last year creeping around the neighborhood. I figure "Mr. Howl" probably isn't from around here since he would have known Beaumont the Gremlin is actually quite a nice chap as long you don't get in his glide path. What path, you say? Stay on the inside of the sidewalk and let him take the out and you'll be fine. Oh and don't make any comments about his cheeks. Beaumont used to pimp the Van Ness areas in San Francisco until a rival gremlin flesh-peddler took offense to his penchant for chipmunking Ghirardelli chocolates in his mouth. Flim and flam and bam! Beaumont gets 2 misshapen G's branded on his face. Seriously, not a word. Or you too will end up howling in the Yuletide. With the frenzied way I heard that guy outside shrieking, it's fine advice to tell you'd feel best keeping Christmas yum deliciousness inside your belly and not acid scattered out on the sidewalk beside lawn light-up deer and glowing Baby Jesus Nativity scenes.

She's Fine

She's Fine

She's fine I know and she's mine for now
She's all I want
And that's all that I need there's no need to hang it up

She smiles oh wow and she's kind to me
She's all I need
And that's all that I need she keeps me from cutting up

She's the heart, she's fine I know, she's all I need to know
She's the part, was missing her, it's nice to know you girl

She pinches me to show she's with me
This bruise is real
From red pain to blue stained she's a reason to stay

Her pretty mouth, she calls me babe
She's so Sweet
This bitter head made better when she's seen day by day

She's the heart, she's fine I know, she's all I want to know

She's the part, was missing her, it's nice to know you girl

She's fine I know
She's fine I know
She's fine I know
She's mine

She's fine I know
She's fine I know
She's fine

Chump

Chump

Oh please be honest dear you don't feel what I'm feeling
How I liked you then and now this greater love and
Sweeter by the day, the night a fine time oh yeah

But there you're sighing whenever I want to be closer
Now I'm left wanting, my girl doesn't want me around her
So I wonder who am I to you, honestly?

When I look to you; you're not there
But when you gotta be somewhere? 
Yeah guess who's there?

It's me

I'm the last thing on your mind if I'm in there at all
But then I'm a contender when your butt needs to get to the mall
It's you I'm driving to get away from me yet again

All my messages sent to you deemed unimportant
The more I want to be with you the deeper you're hiding
But when you have to be far away? Oh how instant your reply!

When I'd like to be with you; you're not there
But when you want to be with someone else? 
I'm ready to bring you there

I'm such a fucking chump what the hell am I doing?
I thought relationships would be more than all this hurting

Somewhere, Missouri

Somewhere, Missouri

Don't need Missouri for you to leave

You're so far away but just down that street

When I ask a question you abandon me

By remaining silent and not answering

Talking to myself 

                        this kind of hell

Where I have someone 

                        but she's not there

Why take a plane? Simply just don't speak

Say nothing of us together or what care you keep

I've got plenty but you leave so easily

To some other street somewhere oh misery

Talking to myself

                       this kind of hell

Where I have someone

                       but she's not there

She's not there

Don't need Missouri for you to leave

You're so far away but just down that street

When I miss you, you feel nothing

By remaining silent and avoiding me

Talking to myself

                       this kind of hell

Where I have someone

                       but she's not there

She's not there

This Island Alone

This Island Alone

Four thousand seven hundred 48 days is how long I've been here
I've got the bugs and the birds and a dog to talk to
The moon up I see is much too much oh too much familiar
Is there such a thing as sunny weather?

Serotonin says hi less frequent, I'm a broken sequence
Counting in skips and odds, myself dividing
Dumb playing dumb can't get the shapes through what's intended
Think oh yes but it's probably best just end it

And it's all I got and I'm not enjoying the view

But oh no I am on this island alone
So sick and tired of this overcast view
Because oh yes I am on this island alone
Where do I jump to go break through?

The moon up I see is much too much oh too much familiar
Is there such a thing as sunny weather?
Dumb playing dumb can't get the shapes through what's intended
Think oh yes but it's probably best just to end it

And it's all I got and I'm not enjoying the view

But oh no I am on this island alone
So sick and tired of this overcast view
Because oh yes I am on this island alone
Where do I jump to go break through?

Somebody's left a gun
Think I'll go pick it up

Lookie Decem

A Promise Alone

You promised me a night but spent it in the telephone whispers of the idiot you could not confess your love for. You promised me a day but slept through the sun and thought nothing of us actually together. I sit thinking it best to be alone in the fuck-ups of my own unfulfilled promises. My hurt is my own. I too am capable of closing curtains and listening idly. I can - as one - jump into the so deep where the fish have lights to see that there really isn't anything there goddamit. 

So who the fuck are you? 

I'll hurt myself through a promise of my own accord with a cut rate light to show in the deep, in the so so deep where a night and day mean fuck-all to the other toothy, hungry crashers in this inkiest of inks oblivion.

Heartsleeve

Bedder

"Smile!" they say. "Uhhhhhyohhh ok."

Heartbeat - Justin & Kelby

Heartbeat

Across from me, a girl I see

She's so fine oh best believe

Because my heart it goes beep beep

Quick goes my red for her it beats

Ooh I see the girl look there she goes

She's so fine, her stance and her lingo

(I'd like to be someone known to her)

Watch her walk her walk and her hips go

Then she smiles oh my god it's bingo!

(Would you say hi if I just said hello?)

Here my heart it beats right on

Just for you

Do you hear my heartsong sing right on

For you?

Such a sweet thing that I do see

The perfect muse for whom I sing

Because my heart it goes beep beep

To think of her my red it beats

Ooh I see the girl look there she goes

She's so fine, her stance and her lingo

(I'd like to be someone known to her)

Watch her walk her walk and her hips go

Then she smiles oh my god it's bingo!

(Would you say hi if I just said hello?)

Here my heart it beats right on

Just for you

Do you hear my heartsong sing right on

For you?

And here it says, hear it says 

I'll love you

If you let me, girl

Can you hear my heartbeat, it beep beeps?

Just for you, my heart yes it does beat

You're the one I'd love to care for

Can you hear my heartbeat, it beep beeps?

Just for you, my heart yes it does beat

You're the one to love to care for

Once Best Friend [video]

Once Best Friend

Were best friends

We know this

To go across, it must end

Our time line

it unwinds

though I loved you I too must live

Can't be there

If you're not there

Deeper than what I wanted

So Stateside

My plane ride

I find a life worth living

You know, you know

you're too far away

from me, from me

To be together

So go, so go

and leave me be

alone, alone

Tears shed

I'm wasted

But they won't fill an ocean

I just crossed

So instead

I move on right on ahead

You play games

once best friend

But I've already gone ahead

Here Stateside

I live life

Without one love I once had

You know, you know

you're too far away

from me, from me

To be together

So go, so go

and leave me be

alone, alone

'Cause I'm happy

Without you I'm already happy

Coffee for Two [video]

Marbie

Marbie

Oh Marbie baby don't you know?

Jed don't love you

Everyone but you seems to know

that he don't love you

Even though he might kiss you

He won't play tennis with just you

Or take care of how you feel

Sa iba ka na lang, mas mabuti pa

Look to someone worth your time

Don't try to keep pace with those careless guys

That's right, that's right, slap Jed in the face, you crazy

Oh Marbie baby don't you know?

Jed don't love you

But Marbie baby you already know 

That someone loves you

And she plays there at home everyday

For one sweet person to come home everyday

And love all that you are, Inay

Look at the Castles and there you'll find

A love that's so yours and all your time

Just like her mother, Rio always smiles

Remember smile, remember smile yeah

Oh Marbie baby don't you know?

That someone loves you

Yes Joy is what you need to know

Go Rio Rio Rio, to your mother go

Oh Marbie baby yeah you know

That we do love you

Oh Marbie baby do you know

We all love you

Go, Go, Go

Go Rio Rio Rio, to your mother go

Nick Nick Libertad

    I talk to myself quite a bit. Walking out and about ya know, I'll speak out loud pseudo-conversations to entertain myself because when my mind runs it sprints out through the twitch of my fingers, the quirk jig in a step and the gibber from my mouth. Being a loner (or once a loner, anyways) does that to you, aye? Even with the cheers of OJD now, when I walk it as one I chat it up celebration solo.

     Or with Nick.

     Who I walked with this morning. Out on Mabury, down the sidewalk towards Capitol I humored over the riot assassination scene in Scarface. I thought it funny to re-enact that sequence with friends out randomly in a cheery shop-shop place like Valley Fair or Oakridge where one or two would chant Libertad!!. . . Libertad!!. . .  Libertad!! and then I would follow up on approach menacingly from the other side groaning REBENGGGGA!!

     The thing is, on this overcast morning walk with Nick I said REBENGGGGA!! out loud in a similar manner that Manolo does (but with a chuckle add-on, naturally oyeep) and to me left in an open garage a plaid girl with arms stretched scrounging the top of her car turned her blonde dyed-hair towards me all quizzical.

     "Oop Nick," I continued on tickled telling ButtFace in a say trailing off, "Libertad, Nick. Libertad!! . . ."

     Ahhh foolish, hah.

     Didn't really get around to Tony Montana's "From a friend you fucked" hit part because I get the fun stupid joy from sayehREBENGGGGA!!

OJD Wingo

The Before

Kiki Yum. The Youngin'. The Baby. So'dorable. Sweet and
 a toughie when need be and like the rest of the crew,
a good person yeah.

Tapioca is seen most of the time with a smile. How she keeps it up is an amazement, oh certainly. That's something, ain't it? She's the energy, the stand-out, pick one of us out to represent and she be the one yo.

There's something peculiar about these two. They be the
crazy chicks of the clique. Fun times with them around, aye?
Us guys talk boredom. Ioca and Keeks chat the fun time. 

That's Barcode on the explain-a-talk in Tagalog, so I couldn't understand much but judging by his

hands . . . shit went down, son, and either the wombat was frickin' 'normous or Galaxy ESSJ1138 exploded?

Tow Truck on the hunger run again, hah. Perhaps an attempt to eat the napkin. Code knows and just gets thirsty from my outrageous appetite. 

Look at him, pare ko. "Na naman, sip." Ahahah. : )

The After

So Fitting, So Asiong

So fitting . . . so Asiong! =D Here's Code, Truck, and Kiki but nasaan si Tapioca? 

Come Again

This is what happens when you envelop your mind in something so Sublime, ahah.

Oh.

And boom boom.

Sublime + Boom Boom = Come Again

Come Again

Come again, come again, come on girl
Come again, come again, come on girl
(I like it when you . . .)
Come for me, come again, come on girl
On my bed oh yeah, come on girl

You know I like it when you
Ooh yes I like it when you go
Ooooooooh ah

So come again, come again, come on girl
(I wanna hear you . . .)
Come again, come again, come on girl
(I wanna feel you . . .)
Come again, come again, let's go girl
Let's go again, go again, and come come girl


You know I like it when you
Ooh yes I like it when you go
Ooooooooh ah

You know you're my girl so let's go on and go go
Nothing sinful, just be loving oh you know know
And we'll be loving, strumming, humming til the morning yo
When the sun pop hills Eastside still be singing ugh


Come again, come again, come on girl
(I wanna hear you . . .)
Come again, come again, come on girl
(I wanna feel you . . .)
Come for me, come for me, let's go girl
Let's go again, go again, and come come girl

Once Best Friend

This song was written upon request. She's a good friend; I happily obliged. The theme is hers. JBoy taught me the chorus chords just yesterday morning. Verse chords are part of my fondly go-to's.

Strum -> Gibberish -> Strum -> Wordflow -> Strum -> Write down -> Strum w/Words -> Done

The throat is a wreck caught from a house sharing sickness. Open the windows yo, drink some [gin &?] juice. Yeahm I like mah teas. But for now, this recording stands.

Once Best Friend

Were best friends

We know this

To go across, it must end

Our time line

it unwinds

though I loved you I too must live

Can't be there

If you're not there

Deeper than what I wanted

So Stateside

My plane ride

I find a life worth living

You know, you know

you're too far away

from me, from me

To be together

So go, so go

and leave me be

alone, alone

Tears shed

I'm wasted

But they won't fill an ocean

I just crossed

So instead

I move on right on ahead

You play games

once best friend

But I've already gone ahead

Here Stateside

I live life

Without one love I once had

You know, you know

you're too far away

from me, from me

To be together

So go, so go

and leave me be

alone, alone

'Cause I'm happy

Without you I'm already happy

Harana (Eraserheads Cover) - Justin & Kelby

Welcome to Eastside San Jose.

Yes this is a serenade in the morning. 

The one at the right is Kelby.  He's a cool cat.

The headless one is Justin. He's kind of a douche.

She's the One Who Likes All My Pretty Songs

Hey - she's the one who likes all my pretty songs
And she likes to sing along and she likes to shoot her cunt
But she knows not what it means
Knows not what it means and I say:

She's the one who likes all my pretty songs
And she likes to sing along and she likes to shoot her cunt
But she knows not what it means
Knows not what it means when I say, yeah




*If you haven't caught it yet, it's a lyrical twist on Nirvana's In Bloom. Sing along if you know the words . . .

She Be the Mute

The truth is that this is the Girl Cycle that has repeated itself since I hit puberty. A pseudo-relationship all in my head from crush to break-up, all silent.

Except it's silent no longer.

For the past year and a half I've been able to transcribe these terrible feelings through a strum and a word. To be shy does not mean I'm empty, no, I'm quite full actually; the quieter I am around a woman, the stronger the affection. To be so quiet and in repulsion of partaking in the modern courtship etiquette of bullshit push & pull games--which I just don't have the callous heart or tremoring patience for--I am left slave to pour all that I am the strength of my honesty and sincerity in just another stupid song.

And no I won't do the "you gotta be kind of an asshole" thing. That's for everyone else. I can only be me.

I'm no longer Chaplin, through my efforts you can hear the soundtrack Smile and--girl--your silence is drying up this attempt to court you and I'm running out of lube to continue. Stay your quiet somber night or take my humble hand and see the phonic shine of dawn?

She Be the Mute

We haven't even started yet

We haven't even met

And I'm already dead?

What did I say?

Everything I felt I said

To you through the internet

And on type and song

I've broken my head

Yes it's easy to ignore me

And think me a creep and weirdo 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Why would you do this?"

Because I know this

Honesty is all that I can do

If you keep to yourself

and nothing speaks from your end

Then this will be our end

That's it

So you'll tweet what you feel

And leave me breaking over

Alone aching cursing

What did I do wrong?

If your shit gets cryptic

How do I interpret?

Your open-ended gibberish

Let's just end this

Yes it's easy to ignore me

And think me a creep and weirdo 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Why would you do this?"

Because I know this

Honesty is all that I can do

If you keep to yourself

and nothing speaks from your end

Then this will be our end

That's it

Go ahead and ignore me

And think me a creep and weirdo 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Why would you do this?"

Because I know this

Honesty is all I'll ever do

If you keep to yourself

and nothing speaks from your end

Then this will be our end

That's it

I could strum hardest and shout loudest the most cacophonous
song in the still unlit morning and Nick will still chill because
he's cool like that. Do dat, do dat, do do dat dat dat.

That to This Heart

That shut down cold heart
shuts down the pour of this heart, Poor Heart
Kept open to burn but
to be just burned in return
hang hooks, heft of wrought iron
Rips low the beats to lower-the-casket tempos
of cries and aftershock sighs and sighs and cry again
because foolish motley left open to show fucking care for
To pour warmth of this heart to that cold heart
The endeavor made hush by quiet and vain silence
because self-queen esteem and what you got
is
in truth
No Heart, that heart

Fare Well Lovely

Another morning recording ghetto rig. Say "Hi" Santa.

You were always kind to me. You just may be the girl most written. You may never know this just one more tune is again for you, Parachute Girl. I hope for the best for you oh Modern Lovely and it's a hope carried in this song.

Farewell . . .

Farewell . . .





Fare Well Lovely


Oh Modern Lovely, how I loved thee
For the good that you are, do you see it yourself?
When you smiled my world it smiled
And how lovely you are made everything well


And I understand that you must go now
Live on, live on, live on
and I hope for your best


So fly happy oh Modern Lovely
Fare thee well, hope to see you again
When found smile let it shine on
Let us know that you're doing so well

And I understand that you must go now
Live on, live on, live on
and I hope for your best

Troubles got you down
But trouble will let you go
Let you go if you go out


So fly happy oh Modern Lovely
Fare thee well, hope to see you again
When found smile let it shine on
Let us know that you're doing so well
So fly happy
So fly happy
Oh Modern Lovely

So fly happy

So fly happy

So fly happy, farewell

For those wondering what the tuft of hair was at the top of the picture
 above? That's Nick a.k.a Nick-Nick a.k.a. ButtFace, chillin' in
the morning on my windowsill. Yup, ML was kind to him too.

This Time Last Fall (She Chokes on a Dick)

Strumming 5'something in the morning. Then gibbering random to the strumming but then once again it's not random and out goes the stream to set the first verse. Then a follow through. Then top o' the lungs singscreaming before the sun under East Side hill even peeks a hello. Quick record on my mp3 player just to remember but post it up here soon after because the emotion won't be any fresher than it is now, newborn.

Pop from the womb, this is a spank and cry. Yes, it's alive.

It's a harsh one too. I'm all over the place on this one. I hurt too, yo. Rage is man's instant defense, so hear it in the shout. Why rage? Because they say we ought not shed them tears. But I did then. Utterly. It is here now I shout. You wouldn't want a recording of me 2 minutes crying would you? Duuuude. That's not punk, man. Or emo.

That's just . . .

shoot, that's just . . .

sad.

Oh well. You know what happened this time last fall? . . .





This Time Last Fall (She Chokes on a Dick)

This time last fall
Found about it all
She said just a friend
But 5 in the fucking morning call?
What kind of "friend" does that?

I questioned on
What the fuck went on
When I was gone
Though my heart stayed and was not gone
Loved you I did, oh I did carry

You looked away
When asked directly
Is there another guy that you've
Been so fucking loving?
"Yes . . . uh baby no" you said.

Now something's up
In your unsure answer
You're either messing around
Or you're fucking retarded
But bitch, you're a doctor

So fuck you bitch
for fucking lying
All the years loved
You couldn't tell me you moved on to another?

I hope you die with the worst kind of cancer
All painful and tumored
Choking
Choking
Choking from dirt dick been sucking

You goddamn whore
Since you were kid diddled
That's no excuse to have fucked this kid over
That time last fall

Heartbeat

Hey girl. Yeap. I like you. And this is how my heart sounds when I do, I do. Smile on. Woohoo!!




Heartbeat

Across from me, a girl I see
She's so fine oh best believe (How do I know?)
Because my heart it goes beep beep
Quick goes my red for her it beats

Ooh I see the girl look there she goes
She's so fine, her stance and her lingo
(I'd like to be someone known to her)
Watch her walk her walk and her hips go
Then she smiles oh my god it's bingo!
(Would you say hi if I just said hello?)

Here my heart it beats right on
Just for you
Do you hear my heartsong sing right on
For you?


Such a sweet thing that I do see
The perfect muse for whom I sing
Because my heart it goes beep beep
To think of you my red it beats


Ooh I see the girl look there she goes
She's so fine, her stance and her lingo
(I'd like to be someone known to her)
Watch her walk her walk and her hips go
Then she smiles oh my god it's bingo!
(Would you say hi if I just said hello?)


Here my heart it beats right on
Just for you
Do you hear my heartsong sing right on
For you?

And here it says, hear it says 
I'll love you
If you let me, girl

Can you hear my heartbeat, it beep beeps?
Just for you, my heart yes it does beat
You're the one I'd love to care for

Can you hear my heartbeat, it beep beeps?
Just for you, my heart yes it does beat
You're the one to love to care for