The Dead December

The Dead December

I wanted to forgive
But I could not forget

And all I kept for you I held dear
Hoping our winter would never be
But you accepted in secret
the scarves of another human being

And it's cold now, it's so cold now

So twisted in your December
Threw shadows in my face that it was still our spring
But took another dick and smiled
and kept me all caved up you ruthless bitch

I wanted to forgive
But I could not forget
How you hide
How you lied
How you hurt

And it's cold now, it's so cold now

I wanted to forgive
But I could not forget
How you hide
How you lied
How you hurt

Hearbeat

How Hot My Tea

How hot my tea I brewed this day
To scatter cobwebs and stay awake
To see through thick clouds that smother the sun
By blowing hot breath to break them apart
And see the heat to match my cup

How hot my tea I turned with fire
To think "don't want", keep check desire
To feel through beats and thoughts that linger
Sip calm and seek truth, there I find it
A tea made hot to wash out the cold


How hot my tea how I took the time
To drink of the earth and know its rhymes
To keep shutters open to filter the woe
With this made cup with care I do drink
At the last frigid still, bring tea for my sake

Is This Love (Bob Marley Cover)

Like Child with Broken Toy

It's a fine series of disappointments; to say you want to be with someone but not really be there. Though I wonder if all relationships are like this and again there are thoughts I've come across I would not have come to realize as someone single but most revealing is that this "being together" thing only has served to reflect and magnify my insecurities, not dissolve them which goes to show I am not fit to share something so broken, like a child with a fucked up toy remains careless. 

Flea Market Finds 122712

Books

to yum the mind

I shall never see

Your signal triumphs, your bitter defeats,

Because with the stony planet

Swinging idiotically round and round the sun

I shall be swinging senseless mixed up with the mud and stones.

excerpt from The Gate of Silence, W.T. Stace

& a Hat

from a guy who had a stash of hats and was shouting at the pa system seller 3 lots over to shut up (+5 entertainment points)

(additional: 2 Dr. Who posters from Fred. Cool dude. Nice variety of posters. Rings too.)

How you Howl, Mr. Howl

It's 4:30 in the a.m. and through a closed window and thick orange makeshift blanket-curtain I can hear a guy outside down a few blocks howling in agony as if he was holiday disemboweled by the shadowy street gremlin TJ saw last year creeping around the neighborhood. I figure "Mr. Howl" probably isn't from around here since he would have known Beaumont the Gremlin is actually quite a nice chap as long you don't get in his glide path. What path, you say? Stay on the inside of the sidewalk and let him take the out and you'll be fine. Oh and don't make any comments about his cheeks. Beaumont used to pimp the Van Ness areas in San Francisco until a rival gremlin flesh-peddler took offense to his penchant for chipmunking Ghirardelli chocolates in his mouth. Flim and flam and bam! Beaumont gets 2 misshapen G's branded on his face. Seriously, not a word. Or you too will end up howling in the Yuletide. With the frenzied way I heard that guy outside shrieking, it's fine advice to tell you'd feel best keeping Christmas yum deliciousness inside your belly and not acid scattered out on the sidewalk beside lawn light-up deer and glowing Baby Jesus Nativity scenes.

She's Fine

She's Fine

She's fine I know and she's mine for now
She's all I want
And that's all that I need there's no need to hang it up

She smiles oh wow and she's kind to me
She's all I need
And that's all that I need she keeps me from cutting up

She's the heart, she's fine I know, she's all I need to know
She's the part, was missing her, it's nice to know you girl

She pinches me to show she's with me
This bruise is real
From red pain to blue stained she's a reason to stay

Her pretty mouth, she calls me babe
She's so Sweet
This bitter head made better when she's seen day by day

She's the heart, she's fine I know, she's all I want to know

She's the part, was missing her, it's nice to know you girl

She's fine I know
She's fine I know
She's fine I know
She's mine

She's fine I know
She's fine I know
She's fine

Chump

Chump

Oh please be honest dear you don't feel what I'm feeling
How I liked you then and now this greater love and
Sweeter by the day, the night a fine time oh yeah

But there you're sighing whenever I want to be closer
Now I'm left wanting, my girl doesn't want me around her
So I wonder who am I to you, honestly?

When I look to you; you're not there
But when you gotta be somewhere? 
Yeah guess who's there?

It's me

I'm the last thing on your mind if I'm in there at all
But then I'm a contender when your butt needs to get to the mall
It's you I'm driving to get away from me yet again

All my messages sent to you deemed unimportant
The more I want to be with you the deeper you're hiding
But when you have to be far away? Oh how instant your reply!

When I'd like to be with you; you're not there
But when you want to be with someone else? 
I'm ready to bring you there

I'm such a fucking chump what the hell am I doing?
I thought relationships would be more than all this hurting

Somewhere, Missouri

Somewhere, Missouri

Don't need Missouri for you to leave

You're so far away but just down that street

When I ask a question you abandon me

By remaining silent and not answering

Talking to myself 

                        this kind of hell

Where I have someone 

                        but she's not there

Why take a plane? Simply just don't speak

Say nothing of us together or what care you keep

I've got plenty but you leave so easily

To some other street somewhere oh misery

Talking to myself

                       this kind of hell

Where I have someone

                       but she's not there

She's not there

Don't need Missouri for you to leave

You're so far away but just down that street

When I miss you, you feel nothing

By remaining silent and avoiding me

Talking to myself

                       this kind of hell

Where I have someone

                       but she's not there

She's not there

This Island Alone

This Island Alone

Four thousand seven hundred 48 days is how long I've been here
I've got the bugs and the birds and a dog to talk to
The moon up I see is much too much oh too much familiar
Is there such a thing as sunny weather?

Serotonin says hi less frequent, I'm a broken sequence
Counting in skips and odds, myself dividing
Dumb playing dumb can't get the shapes through what's intended
Think oh yes but it's probably best just end it

And it's all I got and I'm not enjoying the view

But oh no I am on this island alone
So sick and tired of this overcast view
Because oh yes I am on this island alone
Where do I jump to go break through?

The moon up I see is much too much oh too much familiar
Is there such a thing as sunny weather?
Dumb playing dumb can't get the shapes through what's intended
Think oh yes but it's probably best just to end it

And it's all I got and I'm not enjoying the view

But oh no I am on this island alone
So sick and tired of this overcast view
Because oh yes I am on this island alone
Where do I jump to go break through?

Somebody's left a gun
Think I'll go pick it up

Lookie Decem