My head grinds trying to understand how someone can effortlessly dismiss a person who was previously embraced with all the care one can give to another. What was framed and on the wall now just crumpled paper and tossed into a bin with the rest of the rubbish. I know I'm trash. That's probably the answer isn't it? I should have made it clear before attractions were played and save my self from inheriting another well of murky pain.
I went into the relationship knowing that it would be marvelous to see a life with her. To see another day would mean something new to learn. Appreciate. Love. In this, I'd find a happiness. Smile as she smiled. Her wonders I would receive as my own, seeing a greater view of the world; more than I would have on hikes alone. Then to say goodnight, we'd mean it and be ever so eager to see what's next and take it on, hand-in-hand in comforting assurance we were to see it together.
That's what it is to accept someone.
Or how I think about it anyways. If you can find one person and do that and live it? Then it's a worthwhile time. Caught up in the splendor of it all that I forgot that I've got nothing to offer, dummy. The trash that I am invalidates me from ever being seen as what I would see in someone to spend time with. It takes getting dumped to know that. Or to be reminded of it. I knew it before, somewhere. I just got lost when things were well. I believed in something good but had no foundation to support it. She's absolutely right to leave. They all are. How could she stand with me? As unstable as I am?
Ur not a trash, ur a good person inside and out, its just that some things went out to be complicated...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words. Alas, there is no good here.
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