Quarter-Century Bum: Sheshonahim

Go on and press play. It's a good tune, I'm tellin' ya. =)

25 years and still I reign alone. =P

The names listed below are girls I was infatuated with/liked/loved/admired:

Michelle

Lilly

Louella

Navyanne

Malou

Kat with a "K"

Jean

Kathleen

Holly

Linda

Noraleen

Paula

Kelly

and of course . . .

the one, the only . . .

Krystle.

Yeah, sorry about that one, Krystle. I was jacked on Prozac. I will continue to leave you alone as requested. But thanks for the memories! Whoa, I was really cranked on those happy pills. Yow.

"Oh Krystle . . ." =P

Honestly & Sincerely Miss K part 2 (a.k.a. The Loser Revelation)

The following is the second response in a Facebook message to Miss K. The first (original) message can be found here: http://leonardlacking.blogspot.com/2011/04/honestly-sincerely-miss-k-aka-she-who.html

OH . . . MY . . . GOODNESS! WHAT-A-RELIEF!!!!! =O

~whew!!!

Wait, gimme a minute to breathe . . .

=)

Jeez Loueez, I thought you despised me.

~whew

I need another minute to ughhh . . .

hold up . . .

~whew

=D

Ahhh. That's better. ;)

There is a diligence and then there is driven. Then there is Miss K, who somehow has shifted beyond basic motivations into a far greater plane that is "the overdriven". Whoa. I think that plane is the stop just right before "The Twilight Zone". Miss K, with all your hard work I'd like to know something about you - how do you like to spend your downtime? Books? Movies? Dinners? The Zoo? The lions? The zebras? The monke . . . okay now I'm stuck on the San Francisco Zoo. =O

=)

I'm sad to hear that those 3 years in that middle school was a cheerless time for you. Why? Those 3 same years were something I enjoyed muchly. Had I known it was a sour time for you I would have reached out and connected with you, yes. Strange, strange indeed. As soon as I stepped into Independence High School orientation, I was fully broken. The end of my 8th grade year was a giant shatter for reasons I'll explain perhaps sometime in the future when we get to know each other better because it's a lot to say and a lot to take in. I'll spare you the ultra magnificent show that is "me playing my violin" . . for now, Miss K. =)

I'm sitting here writing and think do you even like to be called "K___"? It's probably a major peeve for you? =P I type K___ because (a) it's short and (b) it reminds me of a splendid song by Death Cab For Cutie - Cath.(a song about Wuthering Heights' Catherine Earnshaw and her emotional predicament) Great melody. Great lyrics too and I'm hardly ever a lyric guy, it's usually just rock-BOOM-rock!! =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yFtWJhsT3k

So what should I call you? Miss K? That's a given, yes. But what else? I could try Nelson Mandela but I'm not sure if it'll stick, ya know? =P heh heh

I don't know what your own personal vision of me was back then, Nelson Mandela, but I reckon it was far different from what was going on inside in my head. I heard Shalina somehow ended up with a rather dark drawing of mine - evidence of where my mind was going and kept steady on for 10 years.

"Hello, class. Depression isn't cool."

"Yes, Mrs. Johnson" the students reply.

At the end of my most terrible times at high school I got lost on the path that every well-adjusted pre-adult takes to college and soon on into the American work force. But not I. No school, no work. Just lost. Just me. I honestly hope this revelation doesn't turn you away, Nelson. I get fearful and anxious when revealing my status to new acquaintences as "The Living Inefficient". It's a dirty and disgusting thing people generally don't want to be around - I understand - a person who has a frown permantly etched onto his face. Unless such a person works for Barnum & Bailey. Which I don't because I don't know how to juggle. Oh darn, that's such a neat skill! Maybe I can be the one who gets pies perpetually thrown to his face? I'll be sure to give you free ringside tickets and a complimentary pie throw! Woohoo!! =D

Anywho, since you look to be interested in where I am in this world please feel free to check my site athttp://leonardlacking.blogspot.com/

Good news, Nelson Mandela! 3 weeks ago I had a massive mood shift! . . . which explains why I've come out of the blue to see you. Since my recent feelgood turn, I've been wanting to get in touch with people who have in the past brightened my day. Yes, that includes you, Miss K. =)

So here we are.

Enjoy your everything!

~Justin

Honestly & Sincerely Miss K (a.k.a. She Who Scans)

The following is a (as of this post) just sent Facebook message to Miss K:

Hello Miss K! =)

It's Justin here.

I stand humbled.

Honesty and sincerity is something I like to adhere to. I find that with these two characteristics it's easier to go on in life without wasting energy on whisper games and hidden meanings; to keep up with such social unnecessities can make a person question the steps they take all because they would not begin with truth.

Baloo the bear sang a related sentiment in the Jungle Book tune, "Bare Necessities."

=)

Why do I write this to you, Miss K? In our very brief time together, our correspondence has been limited to just a few messages. A couple of those messages weren't responded to and I worry that perhaps you purposefully did not reply to those 2 messages for a very specific reason: I wrote some things that could have been considered too forward.

I could apologize but in all honesty what was written (just the words) was simply my own personal expression and reaction to what you had typed in your message - bits of your own life that I very much appreciate you having shared with me. And I thank you for that, it shows I'm not a complete stranger. Now, if the message that came across to you in those words somehow upset you . . .

for THAT, I sincerely apologize, Miss K.

I wish to only open up a friendly dialog with you.

Preferrably without a personal anxiety of worrying about stepping on your "mind toes."

=D

I wouldn't dare mess with you, Miss K. The word on the street is that you have brain-kaboom!-exploding powers like the dudes in the 1981 film Scanners!!

=O

[Justin convulses . . .]

Oh crap . . . I can feel it nooooow!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! ShieeeeeeeAAAGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[ . . . KABLOOEY! goes Justin's head!!!!!]

=P =D

I really do hope to hear from you Miss K, for this message in particular. I can't be any more bare [necessity] to you then I am now. I also apologize for the bloody brain matter left scattered all over the place. Go easier on me next time, Supremely Powerful Scanner K. They don't make Ibuprofen strong enough to resist you. =P =D

~Justin

Addressing a Certain Truth About Women

The following was a recent Facebook correspondence with someone whom I've only recently met.

The parties involved have had their names stricken in order to protect their identities.

Hello, _____. =)

22 hours awake and see what happens? Messages get sent to the wrong YM windows. The links to the profiles were actually meant to be sent to a family relative of mine who is fully aware of my troubles with women. I wanted to show this relative my current change in mood and how I am just now able to comfortably open up a dialog with women.

The truth is . . . in the past I was so scared of girls I couldn't even say "hi" to them.

But now to be able to carry meaningful, in-depth conversations with them? It's a such a joy, _____! To know a person and to understand them is such a wonderful thing. To have known you even with our short time together is something I find to be absolutely terrific.

I sincerely apologize if those links that were accidentally sent to you affected you in an ill manner. It certainly wasn't the intention, my dear.

First off, time and time again I've admitted my fondness for "bugging" you. =) It's just my way of saying "Woohoo! I can actually talk to a girl and she doesn't think I'm a complete Creep."

With all honesty and truth I will show you fully what Miss K is to me and why I've only recently gotten in touch with her. (Only recently because I've gone through a major mood change in the past couple of weeks. I've come from the depths of depression to actually being able to say a simple "hello" to a woman. Including you, my dear.)

Miss K was a kind girl in middle school that was brave enough to show me her true feelings through a "ValentineGram". Right around Valentines Day students would write on heart-shaped cards and have it sent (anonymously or fully signed, your choice) - through teachers who would then give the cards to the receiving student(s) in their respective classes.

I received such a card, a "ValentineGram". It was the most heartfelt gesture ANY girl has ever done for me. It was sincere. It was true. There were no games. She just put in her own genuine words what I meant to her back then in 1999. It meant a lot to me to receive such affection from a girl.

It never happened before that and . . . it hasn't happened since after that.

Things were never followed through. Me being the weakling weirdo that I am, refrained from pursuing the origin of those kind words she sent to me.

And that's Miss K.

A girl who was actually nice to me.

O, _____, okay ba na tayo? =P =D

Here's To You, Miss

As lonely as I am and however seemingly content with it I may look, I do yearn to be with another. It's not something I'll declare on stage - just like with all troubles - but this is my blog so I'll go ahead and stand now for the sake of record. Plus, it really, really sucks to have felt what I felt last Friday morning. So remember this, butt-nut. Why remember it? My misery is all I've got so I tote it around like how I used to carry a box of Animal Crackers by its string handle. This one is an elephant.


You're dreaming. You're on a bed. There's a girl with you. She's fond of you. She makes her move and you are enveloped in her embrace. Her kisses.

Then you wake up.


Those 10 seconds hurt. I woke up broken. I knew that girl in the dream who loved me so. She crushed on me back in middle school. For all my troubles with women and all the years of quiet rejection by many a female smile, she stood out as the one who was kindest and most sincere. It took courage for her to let me know how she felt, which ironically became what I sought and have never received from girls before and after her.

I am weary of the flirtation game. It's an utterly perplexing Mexican Hat Dance, a drawn-out and fatiguing ritual where the obvious is ignored (just pick up the god damn hat!) and people continue to flutter their eyes and throw half-meant compliments. In my crazy and wacky world of admiration, if I like a girl, then I'll tell a girl directly how I feel. I guess that isn't enough. I have to twirl around, stick my cock out and say a few "hey baby, babies."

To that girl in the dream, I thank you. I felt like shit that morning but I'll forever remember you as the girl with the sincerity and honesty I now long for and judge every pretty face by. Here's to you, Miss K!